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Kevin Smith: I was always, like, "Why is mine different? Lucky, I guess." (TV3, New Zealand) Mon, "Separated at Birth" 14 minutes Official summary: "These circumcised men say they are amputees, and that having no foreskin has dampened their ability to feel sexually the way non-circumcised men do. I would tell you if I had an extra flap over my clitoris. I'd be like, "you're going to encounter a wizard - keep going, take this compass. I had met a guy at a bar and he was French, so I should have known but I didn't know he was actually French, I thought we were both wasted and faking the accent you know..... (mimes pulling out a string of scarves) It's highly doubtful he ever wanted to have sex with her again after that. She says "you should cut it off" because "this is what it looks like". I'd kind of want to see it so i can judge for myself. Actually it's pretty cool and pretty sexy in the bedroom because I can spice things up and I can put jewelry on and i have an example of a hoop that can go there. (The sketch does not return to circumcision, but the image of the circumcised penis as being like the disfigured face of the Phantom is powerful.) A "reality" show in which a camera follows a series of blind dates, and captions and doodles are superimposed over the participants. When the man cuts a cigar, a caption appears: "Cigar is now Jewish! I'm not kidding, the doctor....before the finger test, he checks out your junk to make sure everything..... Experts say it's hard to figure it out because most of the diamonds were uncut. (audience laughter) A lot of people like uncut jewels. So, my captain still wears his cap to dinner." Zach (holding up a photo of a pantomine donkey costume): Do you remember the plotline of this? It was something about I was the teacher from another country and you were kids. Zach: No, the plotline of this horse is so really bizarre. But, they wanted him to go in the donkey costume with the hot, sexy cheerleader played by Gwyneth Paltrow. Zach: And then, he sees her beautiful bottom and he freaks out because he can't tear his stitches by getting an erection. The scenario is not uncommon [sans donkey costume or Gwyneth Paltrow], yet nobody questions that the skin should be so tight post-circumcision that it is in danger of tearing.They say it greatly reduces the boys chances of getting diseases including HIV later in life." Includes a short clip of Brian Morris, but generally pro-intact. Did you know, did you know you were going to see it? Kristi: Well, terry, I think I can accept your baggage. Jerry: Kristi and terry will enjoy a fabulous dinner in Beverly Hills, and we will see you next time. Comedian Jeff Foxworthy: "Just how many times were you circumcised? Tonight, we embrace uncut comedy, we go back to a time when comics offended ... Benny, the other Siamese twin: Yeah, it's just highly unnecessary. Primi: Mmm, well, if it means we can stay an'a Mrs Hartsdale get the [cow cozies? In a series of Terry Gilliam-esque sketches, the People magazine cover photo of Madonna's newly adopted son, David Banda, aged 1, talks to the audience about how great it is to be adopted by the former pop star. (Groans and laughs from audience) Shonda: ..you can have really great intimacies with people with what I like to say 'a anteater' 'cause it has that kind of look to it. Shonda: And you can just you can pull back, you know what I mean, and have a lot of fun as you would if it wasn't an anteater.Smith is currently a regular co-commentator and sometimes studio pundit for Sky Sports.In 2011, he commentated on the Champions League final alongside Martin Tyler.Text is available under the CC BY-SA 4.0 license; additional terms may apply.

Determined to make the most of his springtime visit to the French capital, the actor spent his days off soaking up its culture, and even agreed to meet a fan who had written asking for an introduction.

Alan Martin Smith (born 21 November 1962 in Hollywood, Worcestershire) is an English former professional footballer and current sports television pundit, Football commentator and the club patron of Alvechurch F. As a player, he was a striker from 1981 until retiring from injury in 1995.

He played for Leicester City before joining Arsenal where he played in the Premier League. A striker, Smith started his career at non-league Alvechurch in north Worcestershire.

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